This blog is now only inactive. It foremost serves as a memory of my Red Cross and Red Crescent mission in Sudan from 23rd of August 2008 to 15th of June 2009.

Thank you all for following my journey it has been highly appreciated.

Take care

Thomas, 14th of September 2009

Sunday, 1 March 2009

The overwhelming feeling of apathy

In Sudan there is a overwhelming feeling of apathy. My engagement, courage and willpower is slowly loosing its grip on me. It feels like you just want to sit down and do nothing, play a computergame or otherwise fool around unconstructively. I feel it is a larger feeling among most Sudanese as well. So I believe I have come to gain a small innersight to Sudans living conditions which now affect my own motivation and psychological well being. I feel straight out powerless, insignificant and overwhelmed. There is so many things I would like to change and work with, yet I can not even take a photography legally, by example.

The feeling of apathy also exist in Norway. When our faith in the political system fails or diminishes we feel like giving it all up. "What is the point anyway?", we might say. The feeling is horrible and it first and foremost only hurts ourselves. When the ancient martial art teachers talk about our inner enemy, I am convinsed this is a great part of it. Because this feeling actually very often do make us sit down and give up for shorter or longer times. That means to give up on life for a shorter or longer time, because I believe to live life is to accept the challenge.

Another time I have seen people apathic is when we are faced with large amount of suffering. Hunger, war, watershortage, torture and many many other horrible situations. And it is not the people in the trouble I am talking about now. Now I am talking about the people who sees it and hear it happen, but do not react. "what is the point anyway? If we give them food now they will only die later. It is their own responsibility to not get so many children". I have heard Norwegians say that. These fellow Norwegians are themselves victims, in my oppinion. They have given up on the challenges. Given up on life. And after giving up they strive to justify their own apathy and choices with their arguments.

My spirit is still intact, allthough allways under attack by apathy. I feel this challenge too is part of accepting life. Hopefully it is a feeling I will be able to see and observe, but not be affected by as I learn of its ways of getting to me. So maybe todays strong feeling of apathy is put to the side only because I learn of it when I wrote it here now.

"There is a plain behind the anger, frustration, arrogance and ignorance. I will meet you there"

Good luck to all who feels the same at times or most of times, and all the best

Thomas

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